Last night was the monthly Feast at my home. It is something my sons started. Even though they have moved out they still want to hold it here because of tradition. So they all show up with food to pass and enjoy a meal together.
A new young man came this time and when he heard my name he made the comment in the title. I have been chewing on it ever since. Because I really see this as a ministry. This truly is a bunch of lost boys! I have yet to feel as if I am having much of an impact but am praying the Lord will open doors. I am now just continuing to build relationships. I have had a few good conversations with one of them over IM.
The new guy had a potty mouth that would not quit! He also thought he could have a beer. He was 17!! I am not a fan of drinking but will not stop an of age person from drinking a beer with dinner. But I told him he could not drink because he was under age. Despite that he said he would be back next month. So if he shows I will work on the usage of offensive language in my home.
I pray that the Lord gives me a vision of how to love them with His love and show them His grace. I keep thinking about how in the Peter Pan story Wendy "mothered" them. It is a stretch for me as I have a hard time being bold. But it seems as if this is my call at the moment.
Monday, September 28, 2009
We pulled it off!
Last weekend I helped with a wedding reception. It was interesting to say the least! I did appetizers and pasta salad. My daughter did the wedding cake. It tasted as good as it looks.
We did it all in a home kitchen that was not well stocked. There were 300 RSVP's, so no small undertaking. The mother of the bride and the bride seemed unconcerned so I decided not be to either! I still can't believe everything went as well as it did.
This has made me think I can handle about anything!
Monday, September 14, 2009
http://www.5dollardinners.com/2009/09/deep-covered-baker-giveaway.html/comment-page-4#comment-24821
I love stoneware from the Pampered Chef! Almost cried last time I broke one! He is a chance to win one for yourself.
I love stoneware from the Pampered Chef! Almost cried last time I broke one! He is a chance to win one for yourself.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Choosing how to react.
My husband told me something yesterday. I am struggling with what I should think about it. He shared that a friend of his told him he was proud of him because he has not become whipped. In my husband circle the worst thing a man can be is controlled by a woman. This is not a group of men who understand headship or anything like it. Most are divorced because they do not know how to treat a woman. They are immature men who still want to act like boys. They all also do not know Christ so behave accordingly.
So when he said this to me I had two conflicting feelings. One was negative, thinking. yep, you have never put me or your family first. Which unfortunately they would interpret as being whipped.
But the other one was happiness that I had not, though my pushing, taken something from him that is of most importance to him, his pride. Even though I believe that a true man would put his wife first no matter what his friends thought. He is not in that place yet. Although in the same drive a song can on the radio and he commented he hated the song. I asked why, as I love it. It bothered him because it talked about missing your kids when they were grown. And he confessed he missed out on their childhood by his poor choices. And this song reminded him of that.
I want to put aside the thought of feeling upset because he cares more about his pride than me. But I also am glad that I am working on being a helpmeet to him, right where he is at now. So am I crazy to try to focus on the fact that I have made myself fit for him, even when it seems to cost me dearly? The battle is waging in my heart. Which will I choose?
So when he said this to me I had two conflicting feelings. One was negative, thinking. yep, you have never put me or your family first. Which unfortunately they would interpret as being whipped.
But the other one was happiness that I had not, though my pushing, taken something from him that is of most importance to him, his pride. Even though I believe that a true man would put his wife first no matter what his friends thought. He is not in that place yet. Although in the same drive a song can on the radio and he commented he hated the song. I asked why, as I love it. It bothered him because it talked about missing your kids when they were grown. And he confessed he missed out on their childhood by his poor choices. And this song reminded him of that.
I want to put aside the thought of feeling upset because he cares more about his pride than me. But I also am glad that I am working on being a helpmeet to him, right where he is at now. So am I crazy to try to focus on the fact that I have made myself fit for him, even when it seems to cost me dearly? The battle is waging in my heart. Which will I choose?
Friday, September 11, 2009
This is hard.
Wow this blogging thing is harder than I ever thought. I either can't think of anything interesting or I am too busy to take a minute out to do so.
I have been enjoying the empty nest. It is nice to not have so much cleaning to do. They tried to tell me they cleaned up after themselves. I have proof now that was not the truth. I do miss their company, and so does their father. This is funny because he was the one pushing them to move and now he wants to visit all the time.
I have decided to pursue becoming a midwife. I have thought of it many times over the years. But now I have more freedom to do so. It is not easy to figure out the steps, there is no clear path. I now am just investigating, trying to come up with my plan. Finances will be a real issue. We live paycheck to paycheck, so big expenses are out of the question. I am just going to trust that if this is the Lords will for my life He will make a way.
I am going to Ohio next week to help with a wedding. It is ending up to be much more than I bargained for. But the bonus is I will get to see my grandchildren, though I may be too busy to do much with them.
I have been enjoying the empty nest. It is nice to not have so much cleaning to do. They tried to tell me they cleaned up after themselves. I have proof now that was not the truth. I do miss their company, and so does their father. This is funny because he was the one pushing them to move and now he wants to visit all the time.
I have decided to pursue becoming a midwife. I have thought of it many times over the years. But now I have more freedom to do so. It is not easy to figure out the steps, there is no clear path. I now am just investigating, trying to come up with my plan. Finances will be a real issue. We live paycheck to paycheck, so big expenses are out of the question. I am just going to trust that if this is the Lords will for my life He will make a way.
I am going to Ohio next week to help with a wedding. It is ending up to be much more than I bargained for. But the bonus is I will get to see my grandchildren, though I may be too busy to do much with them.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Is the glass half empty or half full?
I keeping thinking about how much our attitude affects our life. How we approach things can really make all the difference.
This has been a long learning process for me, and I am still working on it. But I hope to continue to allow the Lord to teach me His truth on this.
When we were first married we fought a lot. We had some knock down drag out fights to be sure. We both were guilty, except he would try to leave and I would pursue wanting to "have it out". It did not matter that my little children were there. This bothered me, I knew it was not right. Anyway I asked my mother in law for advice. She raised 9 children and my husband says he never heard his parents fight. I could not fathom, so I went to her. Her answer? "Oh, he is the best husband ever, we never fight" Well I just walked away thinking the lady was off her rocker. I knew he was not that great! But over the years of watching her I saw that she just always looks on the bright side of things. She chooses not to focus on the negatives of life. As I have gotten older and wiser I have learned from her.
I sometimes stew over the state of my life. I think it is boring, not as great as others seem to be. I have had no impact on the world, whatever. Then I have someone say I am amazing, a super woman. I laugh at that but see that from her perspective my life looks interesting. While from mine it seems lonely and mundane.
A few days ago I was fed up with my husband, thinking again how I would leave him. How he is this or that. I told him so too! But then last night he was so sweet to me, showing me how much he truly does love me. Yes he can be hard to live with, he does not know the Lord and acts accordingly. But would it really be better without him? Would it be better to be married to a believer that does not love me?
This is the life that the Lord has given me. It does not look like the one I would have ordered, there are things I want or don't want. I sometimes grieve over the unfulfilled dreams. But do I trust Him? Do I trust that His plans are really better than mine?
So today I will see the glass as half full.
Titus 1:15
To the pure all things are pure: but to them that are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.
This has been a long learning process for me, and I am still working on it. But I hope to continue to allow the Lord to teach me His truth on this.
When we were first married we fought a lot. We had some knock down drag out fights to be sure. We both were guilty, except he would try to leave and I would pursue wanting to "have it out". It did not matter that my little children were there. This bothered me, I knew it was not right. Anyway I asked my mother in law for advice. She raised 9 children and my husband says he never heard his parents fight. I could not fathom, so I went to her. Her answer? "Oh, he is the best husband ever, we never fight" Well I just walked away thinking the lady was off her rocker. I knew he was not that great! But over the years of watching her I saw that she just always looks on the bright side of things. She chooses not to focus on the negatives of life. As I have gotten older and wiser I have learned from her.
I sometimes stew over the state of my life. I think it is boring, not as great as others seem to be. I have had no impact on the world, whatever. Then I have someone say I am amazing, a super woman. I laugh at that but see that from her perspective my life looks interesting. While from mine it seems lonely and mundane.
A few days ago I was fed up with my husband, thinking again how I would leave him. How he is this or that. I told him so too! But then last night he was so sweet to me, showing me how much he truly does love me. Yes he can be hard to live with, he does not know the Lord and acts accordingly. But would it really be better without him? Would it be better to be married to a believer that does not love me?
This is the life that the Lord has given me. It does not look like the one I would have ordered, there are things I want or don't want. I sometimes grieve over the unfulfilled dreams. But do I trust Him? Do I trust that His plans are really better than mine?
So today I will see the glass as half full.
Titus 1:15
To the pure all things are pure: but to them that are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
God works in mysterious ways.
That's what my daughter reminded me of when I shared the newest twist in my life. I currently have 3 young adults living in my home. Now another is coming, my niece. To some thins sounds great I am sure. I have a friend who loves teens and young adults. But not me! Give me a room full of toddlers and I am a happy woman.
But no this is the place I have been put. My sons have been here over a year now and it has been trying. I was already thinking I was ready to tell them to move on, and now this. I guess I am just going to have to tighten up the ship. They are adults, I am not their servant. So with the new addition I will have a chance to again try to gain control.
Also my niece has a lot of issues. She is a wild one. I cannot handle this if she acts up, so I will set the boundaries from the beginning.
So what is God doing? I cry out for a baby and I am given this. What is the purpose? What does He want me to learn? What does He want me to teach?
But no this is the place I have been put. My sons have been here over a year now and it has been trying. I was already thinking I was ready to tell them to move on, and now this. I guess I am just going to have to tighten up the ship. They are adults, I am not their servant. So with the new addition I will have a chance to again try to gain control.
Also my niece has a lot of issues. She is a wild one. I cannot handle this if she acts up, so I will set the boundaries from the beginning.
So what is God doing? I cry out for a baby and I am given this. What is the purpose? What does He want me to learn? What does He want me to teach?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Busy , hard, wonderful days.
I just ended a week spent with my three wonderful grandchildren. All three are special in there own way. Will, 4 blessed me with his chatter and helpfulness. He enjoyed going out to do farm chores every morning. Celeb, 2 is a ball of energy. He was bare most of the time he was here because I could not keep him out of the water. I don't blame him is was blazing hot. I will never look at a tractor again with out hearing him say "tractor" with excitement in his voice. And Ellie, now 2 1/2 months stole her grandpas heart the moment he laid eyes on her. So I had many blessing as they were here for a week.
I also was hurt as a dear friend and I have come to a place of disagreement over a doctrinal issue that hit close to home. I am praying I walk this out with grace and love. Even though my flesh does not want to.
And I may have a blessing beyond imagining coming my way. I am almost afraid to even hope or dream. I am needing to get myself alone with God and search His will. Oh how it is my will, but I truly want to submit myself to His. If anyone reading this would pray I would be more than blessed. This will only come to pass if He works!
I also was hurt as a dear friend and I have come to a place of disagreement over a doctrinal issue that hit close to home. I am praying I walk this out with grace and love. Even though my flesh does not want to.
And I may have a blessing beyond imagining coming my way. I am almost afraid to even hope or dream. I am needing to get myself alone with God and search His will. Oh how it is my will, but I truly want to submit myself to His. If anyone reading this would pray I would be more than blessed. This will only come to pass if He works!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My Barn
I wish I could convey how much joy my barn gives me. I loved it when we first bought the place 17 yrs ago. It was just a bonus then. Sadly it is starting to really show its age and I do not know how many more years it has. I would love to fix it but there is just no way we could afford such a thing. So I will enjoy it as long as I can. I always feel sad when I see one falling down, and someday it will be mine.
When my children were young and driving me nuts I would go out there and watch my few chickens. Looking around at the beauty of this structure that men built before modern equipment. I would just feel such peace and calm. Then I could go in and be a good mommy again.
Now my children are all grown and the barn is home to many animals. I think it fills something in me to care for them. I have several barn cats, not on purpose though. Three adult goats and three kids. One sheep who is driving me nuts! and several chickens. I really want to get a cow or a pig but need to work on hubby about that one. A couple days ago he heard the neighbors cow and thought it was coming from the barn, he was not happy! But he will come around.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wringer Washer
Summer is here and for me that means I get to use my wringer washer! I had wanted one for a while when my mom found one for $50 at a garage sale. I brought it home and put it out by my clothes line. That is right next to my husband workshop/hangout. So I ran a extension cord out the window. The hose come from my laundry room, out the back of the house. This does require lots of trips back and forth!
When I first go it my husband thought I was nuts, said we are real hillbillies now! The first time I went to use it I did the thing they warn you about, got my thumb in the ringer. Oh boy did it hurt, for weeks. But I was to stubborn to quit and give him the satisfaction. But this year he tried to make it better for me, making a little platform for it. He also has plans to make me a table with a sink in it. The hose will go out to this giving me the ability to turn the water on and off without walking to the house.
When I first started using it I had just plastic tubs on the ground for my rinse water. Lots of bending! But then I was able to get my grandmas old washtubs from my uncle. I love the thought of her washing with them. My mom was given baths in those tubs, and last summer my grandsons took their turn.
I so enjoy just being outside doing the wash. The quiet, the beauty of my surroundings. For me it is so much more satisfying to spend an hour out there working hard then to throw them into a washer and dryer in the house. I kind of get a giggle out of what a sight I must be in this modern world. People drive by and I wonder what they may be thinking. Who is that crazy lady, in a dress and apron using a wringer washer! My mom says they probably think I am a very old lady!
So today I will again be out there enjoying a simple pleasure of mine.
When I first go it my husband thought I was nuts, said we are real hillbillies now! The first time I went to use it I did the thing they warn you about, got my thumb in the ringer. Oh boy did it hurt, for weeks. But I was to stubborn to quit and give him the satisfaction. But this year he tried to make it better for me, making a little platform for it. He also has plans to make me a table with a sink in it. The hose will go out to this giving me the ability to turn the water on and off without walking to the house.
When I first started using it I had just plastic tubs on the ground for my rinse water. Lots of bending! But then I was able to get my grandmas old washtubs from my uncle. I love the thought of her washing with them. My mom was given baths in those tubs, and last summer my grandsons took their turn.
I so enjoy just being outside doing the wash. The quiet, the beauty of my surroundings. For me it is so much more satisfying to spend an hour out there working hard then to throw them into a washer and dryer in the house. I kind of get a giggle out of what a sight I must be in this modern world. People drive by and I wonder what they may be thinking. Who is that crazy lady, in a dress and apron using a wringer washer! My mom says they probably think I am a very old lady!
So today I will again be out there enjoying a simple pleasure of mine.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Worship
I have always loved worshiping the Lord. It is who I am, how I hear His voice. All of us are different. My daughter used to get sick of singing, wishing we would just get on the the sermon, while I was thinking "oh, just one more song" God speaks to us all according to who He has made us.
Years ago I went to a large church that had a great music dept. I was in the choir, and I loved it! I would pinch myself sometimes not believing He would let me do that. I even had dreams the director would walk past and hear my voice and say "what is she doing up here!" To be a part of that was so important to me. One Easter I fell off my porch steps and broke my elbow, and all I could think is I will go to the hospital after the program! (which of course my husband vetoed) But the Lord called me out of that church, because it was sadly, what I would now call a christian cult. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, they were my family! And it meant giving up the choir that was such a blessing to me
Years have now past and I have not found that place of worship again. I have attended a church that really struggles in that area. I have had a few times over the years when I was able to worship in a deep way.
The last few years I have been listening to talk radio. I am a political junkie I think. I like to think and discuss such things. But my husband does not, so I guess this was my way of filling that. For quite a while I have been hearing in my spirit to turn it off and put on praise music. The other day I put on the CD's we had made at my old church and I listened while I cleaned. It was nice.
Then today I put on some praise music. All I can say is it has made such a difference. I have been struggling to have any energy. I have just been forcing myself to do what I have to. But as I have listened to the praises of our Lord I can feel a change in me. I have a desire to get into my homemaking. I feel a closeness to Him I have missed.
Fill your home with sounds of Joy, and praise the Him who holds all things in His hands.
Years ago I went to a large church that had a great music dept. I was in the choir, and I loved it! I would pinch myself sometimes not believing He would let me do that. I even had dreams the director would walk past and hear my voice and say "what is she doing up here!" To be a part of that was so important to me. One Easter I fell off my porch steps and broke my elbow, and all I could think is I will go to the hospital after the program! (which of course my husband vetoed) But the Lord called me out of that church, because it was sadly, what I would now call a christian cult. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, they were my family! And it meant giving up the choir that was such a blessing to me
Years have now past and I have not found that place of worship again. I have attended a church that really struggles in that area. I have had a few times over the years when I was able to worship in a deep way.
The last few years I have been listening to talk radio. I am a political junkie I think. I like to think and discuss such things. But my husband does not, so I guess this was my way of filling that. For quite a while I have been hearing in my spirit to turn it off and put on praise music. The other day I put on the CD's we had made at my old church and I listened while I cleaned. It was nice.
Then today I put on some praise music. All I can say is it has made such a difference. I have been struggling to have any energy. I have just been forcing myself to do what I have to. But as I have listened to the praises of our Lord I can feel a change in me. I have a desire to get into my homemaking. I feel a closeness to Him I have missed.
Fill your home with sounds of Joy, and praise the Him who holds all things in His hands.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Help with Blogspot.
I can't seem to comment on any Blog, not even my own! I will sign in under google or open ID and nothing. What am I doing wrong??
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Simple Woman's Daybook-May 25th
FOR TODAY May 25th
Outside my window...It is threatening rain, a chill is in the air. Will I ever get to do laundry?
I am thinking...Of all I want to do this week.
I am thankful for...a fun day with some friends yesterday, and my husbands willingness to let me go. I was blessed as I saw their big family walking together, leaving the garage sale we stopped at.
From the kitchen...I really am needing to get busy there too. Maybe some bread today?
I am wearing...jean skirt, teal top and teal scarf.
I am creating...My garden bed, if I can work around my foot and the rain. I am determined to have it ready by this weekend. Late for some, but early for me!
I am going...to stay home today, hopefully
I am reading...Our Father Abraham. About the Jewish roots of our faith.
I am hoping...my foot starts to get better. I have so much I want to accomplish but can't in this condition.
I am hearing...William Bennett, Morning in America
Around the house...as usual I have more to do than I can list. You would think at this point in life it would slow down. Sorry it doesn't.
One of my favorite things...Going out to the barn to visit my animals. My chicks made it through the night in their new house.
A few plans for the rest of the week...Scrubbing my kitchen floor, it is unfinished wood so I need to give it some special attention. Getting my wringer washer all set up and then spending a day outside washing clothes.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
My Grandsons, I just love this picture!
Outside my window...It is threatening rain, a chill is in the air. Will I ever get to do laundry?
I am thinking...Of all I want to do this week.
I am thankful for...a fun day with some friends yesterday, and my husbands willingness to let me go. I was blessed as I saw their big family walking together, leaving the garage sale we stopped at.
From the kitchen...I really am needing to get busy there too. Maybe some bread today?
I am wearing...jean skirt, teal top and teal scarf.
I am creating...My garden bed, if I can work around my foot and the rain. I am determined to have it ready by this weekend. Late for some, but early for me!
I am going...to stay home today, hopefully
I am reading...Our Father Abraham. About the Jewish roots of our faith.
I am hoping...my foot starts to get better. I have so much I want to accomplish but can't in this condition.
I am hearing...William Bennett, Morning in America
Around the house...as usual I have more to do than I can list. You would think at this point in life it would slow down. Sorry it doesn't.
One of my favorite things...Going out to the barn to visit my animals. My chicks made it through the night in their new house.
A few plans for the rest of the week...Scrubbing my kitchen floor, it is unfinished wood so I need to give it some special attention. Getting my wringer washer all set up and then spending a day outside washing clothes.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
My Grandsons, I just love this picture!
Monday, May 25, 2009
The dicipline of writing
I never understood why people would use this phrase. I mean what does discipline have to do with it? But now as I try to give this writing thing a shot I understand it. I want to write regularly but it is not as easy as I had thought.
Many many things in life do come down to discipline. I was brought up in a home without much structure. The only have to's would be Mom goes to work, we go to school. Other than that there were not set schedules. We would do the dishes when Mom got sick of seeing them and told us to.
So I have struggled with those things my whole life. Housework has always been a struggle as I was never taught. Mom just told me it was my job at a very young age. I realized a few years ago that I still tend to clean like a 7 yr old! Only seeing big messes and not understanding maintenance.
I have tried to overcome many of the isses that come from this lack of training. My daughter has done much better, as I was learning she was beside me. She also is a natural at it, while I am not.
But the Lord continues to refine me, He keeps working on this slow learner. He seems to have patience that I don't have with myself. I think that by now I sould have it all together. But no I am still a work in progress. I will continue to strive and learn and He will continue to do His work in me.
So I will work on trying to get here more often, disciple myself to do another thing I feel He has called me to.
Many many things in life do come down to discipline. I was brought up in a home without much structure. The only have to's would be Mom goes to work, we go to school. Other than that there were not set schedules. We would do the dishes when Mom got sick of seeing them and told us to.
So I have struggled with those things my whole life. Housework has always been a struggle as I was never taught. Mom just told me it was my job at a very young age. I realized a few years ago that I still tend to clean like a 7 yr old! Only seeing big messes and not understanding maintenance.
I have tried to overcome many of the isses that come from this lack of training. My daughter has done much better, as I was learning she was beside me. She also is a natural at it, while I am not.
But the Lord continues to refine me, He keeps working on this slow learner. He seems to have patience that I don't have with myself. I think that by now I sould have it all together. But no I am still a work in progress. I will continue to strive and learn and He will continue to do His work in me.
So I will work on trying to get here more often, disciple myself to do another thing I feel He has called me to.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Busy days on the farm.
Well it is spring. And with it comes work, but fun work for the most part. I have had two sets of boy/girl twin kids born. It was a couple very long nights for me and my first timer. But she has two healthy babies and is taking to being a mama well. Except she yells a lot! I have one more old girl who has yet to kid. She is puzzling me, not even sure she is really expecting. But I swear I see them moving, or it may just be wishful thinking.
I also have ten new chicks, and a couple turkey chicks. The turkeys almost didn't survive their first day here. The temptation was just to much for my labs. But luckily I caught them quick and both have survived! I am looking for a couple pigs. Who would have known how hard that would be.
So with all this comes the extra work of cleaning a winters worth of goat mess out of the stall. I am carting it right out to the garden, which is a long way away when you have a wheelbarrow full of heavy wet hay. So once that is done I need to get working on that garden! Me with my black thumb will try again!
Then on top of all this I really want to give the house a good spring cleaning. I will have my daughter and her three little children coming to visit in about 6 weeks. So I really want to get this all accomplished by then.
I guess it is a good thing that I keep waking up at 6 am.
I also have ten new chicks, and a couple turkey chicks. The turkeys almost didn't survive their first day here. The temptation was just to much for my labs. But luckily I caught them quick and both have survived! I am looking for a couple pigs. Who would have known how hard that would be.
So with all this comes the extra work of cleaning a winters worth of goat mess out of the stall. I am carting it right out to the garden, which is a long way away when you have a wheelbarrow full of heavy wet hay. So once that is done I need to get working on that garden! Me with my black thumb will try again!
Then on top of all this I really want to give the house a good spring cleaning. I will have my daughter and her three little children coming to visit in about 6 weeks. So I really want to get this all accomplished by then.
I guess it is a good thing that I keep waking up at 6 am.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Is is possible to be both happy and sad at the same time??
I just found out my brother and his girlfriends' baby was born this morning. They had a little girl. I am so happy for them, but it also makes me sad.
See both my brother and sister have not followed the Lord, have lived worldly lives, divorced, leaving children in the wake. And now both of them have been blessed with more children in the last year and a half.
Meanwhile tomorrow is my 25th wedding anniversary, I stayed and made it work through a difficult marriage. I love him, but we live in two different worlds. I choose to listen to the Lord and live up to my vows. My husband too, took them very seriously I have to say.
I have always wanted many children. But my husband did not, so after three he said enough. At 23 yrs old I had my last baby. My arms have ached for one ever since. I have prayed that God would see fit to override the work of the doctor, but He has not. I am now 44 yrs old and know the window is closing.
But then I see my sister at 38, have another, her 4th. A woman who never wanted children. And now my brother at 42, be blessed with a little baby girl.
I want to scream "why", I followed the rules. I did the right thing, and I am denied! I don't understand how he made me to desire nothing more than to be a mom to leave me feeling empty at a young age. I don't know what I am going to do with myself all the years ahead of me.
I trust Him and I will continue to do so. It just stings right now.
See both my brother and sister have not followed the Lord, have lived worldly lives, divorced, leaving children in the wake. And now both of them have been blessed with more children in the last year and a half.
Meanwhile tomorrow is my 25th wedding anniversary, I stayed and made it work through a difficult marriage. I love him, but we live in two different worlds. I choose to listen to the Lord and live up to my vows. My husband too, took them very seriously I have to say.
I have always wanted many children. But my husband did not, so after three he said enough. At 23 yrs old I had my last baby. My arms have ached for one ever since. I have prayed that God would see fit to override the work of the doctor, but He has not. I am now 44 yrs old and know the window is closing.
But then I see my sister at 38, have another, her 4th. A woman who never wanted children. And now my brother at 42, be blessed with a little baby girl.
I want to scream "why", I followed the rules. I did the right thing, and I am denied! I don't understand how he made me to desire nothing more than to be a mom to leave me feeling empty at a young age. I don't know what I am going to do with myself all the years ahead of me.
I trust Him and I will continue to do so. It just stings right now.
The myth of doing it all
Well I have not written in a while. I went to see my new granddaughter for a week and then started a job for the census.
I really have no idea how working moms do it. I have a husband and two grown sons living at home. But I cannot keep up on everything. I am struggling to get dinner on the table. I want to sew curtains for my kitchen, clean the goat pen for the upcoming births (any day now). I am wanting to start spring cleaning. But am worn out.
So how do women do it when they have little ones? * oh my! whats that smell? Dinner burning!!*
Yep I burned my dinner a little just taking the time to write this.
So what suffers? I wonder. I also noticed as I am out doing my job how few homes have anyone home during the day. I live in a rural area, yet no one is home, with very few exceptions. How sad big beautiful houses with no life in them.
Can't wait til I can come back home and get to my real work!
I really have no idea how working moms do it. I have a husband and two grown sons living at home. But I cannot keep up on everything. I am struggling to get dinner on the table. I want to sew curtains for my kitchen, clean the goat pen for the upcoming births (any day now). I am wanting to start spring cleaning. But am worn out.
So how do women do it when they have little ones? * oh my! whats that smell? Dinner burning!!*
Yep I burned my dinner a little just taking the time to write this.
So what suffers? I wonder. I also noticed as I am out doing my job how few homes have anyone home during the day. I live in a rural area, yet no one is home, with very few exceptions. How sad big beautiful houses with no life in them.
Can't wait til I can come back home and get to my real work!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Ellie Is here!
Have been very busy but had to post. I am now grandma to three. Elisabeth Jeanie Krynock has entered the world. Can't wait to meet her.
Monday, March 30, 2009
For Today...
Outside my window...The sun is shining after getting snow yesterday. And my Goat Lucy is loose again, she keeps outsmarting me.
I am thinking... I want to get much done today, the house needs attention.
I am thankful for...Good friends who will pray for me when I am in need.
From the kitchen... Angel food cake is in the plan, my first ever. My chickens are really starting to lay, so I have eggs coming out of my ears!
I am wearing... Comfortable knit dress, cozy sweater, brown snood knitted for my by an on-line friend. Oh and my husbands thick socks.
I am reading... Nothing, can't seem to find anything right now. Having to reset after being retired from homeschooling leaves me lost.
I am hoping... that I was able to help save a marriage by being a listening ear.
I am creating... Diapers for my granddaughter who is soon the make her entrance into the world
I am hearing... the Lord calling me to trust Him, and Him alone. Not to fear as He holds all things in His hands.
Around the house... Laundry, shall I hang outside? Floors, just sweep or mop too (I hate to mop!)
One of my favorite things... Watching my crazy dog play outside, he can entertain himself with anything.
A few plans for the rest of the week... May go sew for Mil, get into garden bed, finish up diapers.
Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you..
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The following is something I wrote to an e-mail group I am on. Someone asked about a person who had once been a leader of women, but had went astray and is now a radical feminist.
Well I am by no means an expert on this issue. I found this mag several
years ago, and was blessed! It was like a fusion of a conservative
womans issue mag and mother earth news. It was like a drink for fresh
water to my soul. It was like I finally found someone like me. Who
wanted to live a a way of obedience to the lord and living close to the
land simply.
But then something happened, she left her husband claimed he was abusive
and took up with another. She also sued some big names in the Christian
home school movement. Now in a court of law she won, but I feel only
because they do not understand Christian discipline. They agreed she
was plotted against, where I would say believers together stood up for
biblical standards.
So what happened? It is interesting that Connie asked me as I have had
some thoughts tumbling around in my brain. I think there is a dangerous
place that we can go to. It is a thin line that we think we would never
cross but some do. I have been thinking of my friend who left the faith,
another woman that yrs ago I remember being drawn to who now is a
practicing witch! I have been asking myself why I tend to be drawn to
those who end up flaking out, and trying to take heed.
Woman who are free thinkers, who enjoy being different, who want to be
themselves, ect. We can follow the Spirit of God and live a life of
freedom in Him. But it is also an opening to listen to other voices.
Women who just follow the status que are not in danger of this. They
just follow the leader and live a life of averageness.
It all seems to come down to self as all things. When we think we are
missing out on something, or don't deserve something we get in trouble.
Because we like to think and explore, we open doors to the enemy. Now I
am not saying we need to become blind followers of the human we chose to
hook our wagon to. But we need to beware of this tendency in our life.
And when someone is put out in front of others I think they tend to
start trusting themselves too much, because so many hold them up as
special. So they let the lie fester in them too long, and then start to
believe it.
It also seems as if the lie most tend to believe is about who and what a
woman is. They seem to reject biblical womanhood for what they feel is
freedom. I see this in (name removed), as much as someone from afar can see.
She believed the lie that she was equal to man. Well that is not the lie
we are equal but we are not the same! But for some reason they cannot
understand the difference. In a frustration with what life has brought
them they reject what the come to believe is causing the pain, biblical
submission and a traditional understanding of the scriptures. My old
friend from what I can see from observing afar, is embracing her
Womanhood. But not as we do, but as the world does. Her family now in in
the background, supporting her woman-owned business. It is lifting the
creation above the creator, embracing our womanhood but in a twisted way.
So we need to constantly check ourselves, are we following the Spirit or
are we following our own spirit. Are we living to please Him or
ourselves? Does doing ________fulfill us because we are obedient or
because we enjoy the attention we get?
Let me know what you think because these are things I am trying to
understand in myself.
years ago, and was blessed! It was like a fusion of a conservative
womans issue mag and mother earth news. It was like a drink for fresh
water to my soul. It was like I finally found someone like me. Who
wanted to live a a way of obedience to the lord and living close to the
land simply.
But then something happened, she left her husband claimed he was abusive
and took up with another. She also sued some big names in the Christian
home school movement. Now in a court of law she won, but I feel only
because they do not understand Christian discipline. They agreed she
was plotted against, where I would say believers together stood up for
biblical standards.
So what happened? It is interesting that Connie asked me as I have had
some thoughts tumbling around in my brain. I think there is a dangerous
place that we can go to. It is a thin line that we think we would never
cross but some do. I have been thinking of my friend who left the faith,
another woman that yrs ago I remember being drawn to who now is a
practicing witch! I have been asking myself why I tend to be drawn to
those who end up flaking out, and trying to take heed.
Woman who are free thinkers, who enjoy being different, who want to be
themselves, ect. We can follow the Spirit of God and live a life of
freedom in Him. But it is also an opening to listen to other voices.
Women who just follow the status que are not in danger of this. They
just follow the leader and live a life of averageness.
It all seems to come down to self as all things. When we think we are
missing out on something, or don't deserve something we get in trouble.
Because we like to think and explore, we open doors to the enemy. Now I
am not saying we need to become blind followers of the human we chose to
hook our wagon to. But we need to beware of this tendency in our life.
And when someone is put out in front of others I think they tend to
start trusting themselves too much, because so many hold them up as
special. So they let the lie fester in them too long, and then start to
believe it.
It also seems as if the lie most tend to believe is about who and what a
woman is. They seem to reject biblical womanhood for what they feel is
freedom. I see this in (name removed), as much as someone from afar can see.
She believed the lie that she was equal to man. Well that is not the lie
we are equal but we are not the same! But for some reason they cannot
understand the difference. In a frustration with what life has brought
them they reject what the come to believe is causing the pain, biblical
submission and a traditional understanding of the scriptures. My old
friend from what I can see from observing afar, is embracing her
Womanhood. But not as we do, but as the world does. Her family now in in
the background, supporting her woman-owned business. It is lifting the
creation above the creator, embracing our womanhood but in a twisted way.
So we need to constantly check ourselves, are we following the Spirit or
are we following our own spirit. Are we living to please Him or
ourselves? Does doing ________fulfill us because we are obedient or
because we enjoy the attention we get?
Let me know what you think because these are things I am trying to
understand in myself.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Politics Prayer or both?
Well this is something I have been struggling with in my heart the last few days. I admit it, I am a political junkie. I find it interesting and listen to talk radio much of my day.
But then I am also feeling the call to be still and know that He is God.
So how do we approach this as believers? Do we get involved, go to rallies, work to make our voices heard? Or do we just live our lives out before men? Much of what our nation is facing is caused by sin, maybe all. We have greed and lust of the flesh running wild. Can our efforts in the political arena ever change that? What is really needed is for men's hearts to be changed, for them to bow before the law maker of the universe. But does this fact mean we sit back and allow ungodly men to continue to ruin our nation?
This is one of the things I read that has me in this place. http://www.chalcedon.edu/articles/article.php?ArticleID=2910
I have no answers now, I am pondering these things and asking the Lord for wisdom.
But then I am also feeling the call to be still and know that He is God.
So how do we approach this as believers? Do we get involved, go to rallies, work to make our voices heard? Or do we just live our lives out before men? Much of what our nation is facing is caused by sin, maybe all. We have greed and lust of the flesh running wild. Can our efforts in the political arena ever change that? What is really needed is for men's hearts to be changed, for them to bow before the law maker of the universe. But does this fact mean we sit back and allow ungodly men to continue to ruin our nation?
This is one of the things I read that has me in this place. http://www.chalcedon.edu/articles/article.php?ArticleID=2910
I have no answers now, I am pondering these things and asking the Lord for wisdom.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Making 100% whole wheat bread
I learned this from a magiazine many years ago. I think it was back woods home. Anyway it is more about the process than the recipe. You can use any recipe you like. Just follow these steps.
This is the one I use.
1 1/3 cup butter milk
4 T. honey
1 t yeast
Mix these together with enough flour to make it resemble a thick gravy. You then let this sit and absorb the liquid for a few hours, stirring occasionally.
The you add
2 T butter
1/2 t salt
and as much flour as you can comfortably stir in.
ends up being about 4 cups total
This then sits for a couple hours, after which you knead with as little flour as possible. Place in pan let rise (about 30 min) and bake at 350 for 35 mins.
It will not rise much in oven.
Will give you a nice soft loaf of 100% whole wheat bread.
FOR TODAY March 16th 2009
Outside My Window...the sun is finally shining
I am thinking...about the offer to help with the children at church
I am thankful for...many things
From the kitchen...am needing to be very creative
I am wearing...red knit dress, teal scarf.
I am creating...bread
I am going...to hang clothes out today!
I am reading...Faith for all Life magazine
I am hoping...to get working on my garden bed
I am hearing...God tell me to focus
Around the house...many things need to be done
One of my favorite things...are my animals
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:to catch up on laundry, make it to the gym, feed family well on limited supplies.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Where does our help come from.
I admit it I am a political junkie. I can listen to talk radio all day. I like to know whats going on and feel like I can do something. But I have been feeling something else lately, a call to be quiet and seek the Lord. Today as I took a break from my housework I settled down to read for a magazine I always enjoy. I read an article that spoke to me in this time. Here is the link.
http://chalcedon.edu/articles/article.php?ArticleID=2910
http://chalcedon.edu/articles/article.php?ArticleID=2910
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
bargain shopping
One of the things I do as a homemaker is try to make my husbands money stretch as far as possible. He is allowing me to stay home even though my children are all grown. I am going to work for the census soon, but that is temporary and I am doing it to get us caught up so I can go back home without being in debt.
So yesterday I did well. I went to the dollar store to get a couple needed items, ketchup and coffee. $4.65. Then I noticed a rack of clothes for 90% off. Got two baby outfits for the upcoming granddaughter $1.92
Took my son to work and went to 2 Walgreens- got 3 fructis conditioners (out of shampoo) 6 coffee-mate creamers (my addiction) Total $3.52
Target- I refilled my husband script for $4 and got a $10 gift card! So I used that for a few groceries we needed. Paid $1.77 after gift card.
Then went to Rite Aid, Filled second script for $5.55 and got a $25 gift card. Quick stop at grocery store to get some potatoes and an onion for supper tonight.
Total spent $20.90 oop and I have a the gift card left.
With a little planning and such we can take care of our family with out breaking the bank.
So yesterday I did well. I went to the dollar store to get a couple needed items, ketchup and coffee. $4.65. Then I noticed a rack of clothes for 90% off. Got two baby outfits for the upcoming granddaughter $1.92
Took my son to work and went to 2 Walgreens- got 3 fructis conditioners (out of shampoo) 6 coffee-mate creamers (my addiction) Total $3.52
Target- I refilled my husband script for $4 and got a $10 gift card! So I used that for a few groceries we needed. Paid $1.77 after gift card.
Then went to Rite Aid, Filled second script for $5.55 and got a $25 gift card. Quick stop at grocery store to get some potatoes and an onion for supper tonight.
Total spent $20.90 oop and I have a the gift card left.
With a little planning and such we can take care of our family with out breaking the bank.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Budget Cooking
Things have been tight around here lately. I have not been able to spend much on groceries. Instead of being able to do so this week I am having to get by on even less.
But it is spurring me on to see what I can do with what I have. Here is part of the plan knocking around in my head.
Today I baked two loaves of bread, two white and one 100% whole wheat. I chopped up some pork leftovers- with this I am going to make chimichongas (sp?) I also have beans soaking for baked beans.
I bought a ham yesterday on the way home from church. It was on sale for $1.19 a lb. I paid just under $14. I am baking it today and serving with baked potatoes, a veg and homemade bread.
Now out of the rest of the ham we will have scalloped potatoes and ham, split pea soup. And if there is enough left, either ham and broccoli wedges or a ham cauliflower casserole.
I have a ton of jello from coupon shopping and am planning a jello salad with some and the sour cream given to us by a friend going out of town. This same friend also gave some ricotta which I am going to try to make something out of.
I have some frozen chicken tenders and wild boar roast (any ideas for that?)
Even when things are tight we as homemakers can find a way to feed our families well.
But it is spurring me on to see what I can do with what I have. Here is part of the plan knocking around in my head.
Today I baked two loaves of bread, two white and one 100% whole wheat. I chopped up some pork leftovers- with this I am going to make chimichongas (sp?) I also have beans soaking for baked beans.
I bought a ham yesterday on the way home from church. It was on sale for $1.19 a lb. I paid just under $14. I am baking it today and serving with baked potatoes, a veg and homemade bread.
Now out of the rest of the ham we will have scalloped potatoes and ham, split pea soup. And if there is enough left, either ham and broccoli wedges or a ham cauliflower casserole.
I have a ton of jello from coupon shopping and am planning a jello salad with some and the sour cream given to us by a friend going out of town. This same friend also gave some ricotta which I am going to try to make something out of.
I have some frozen chicken tenders and wild boar roast (any ideas for that?)
Even when things are tight we as homemakers can find a way to feed our families well.
Written by Julie Roys the executive producer of the Moody morning show. Interesting commentary, enjoy:
Progressive Christians?
By Julie Roys
Recently, an Episcopal diocese in Michigan ordained a Zen Buddhist to the priesthood, triggering protests from scores Christian leaders. “Buddhism is not merely a series of practices,” said James Tonkowich, president of the Institute on Religion and Democracy. “Buddhism is an entire worldview.”
Tonkowich is right. Buddhism is a worldview and one that directly contradicts Christianity. For example, Christians believe an all-powerful personal God rules over creation; but, Buddhists believe Dharma – an impersonal principle – transcends all things. Christianity and Buddhism are incompatible. And to ordain a Buddhist to the Episcopal priesthood is patently absurd.
Most evangelicals, I think, would agree with that statement. Yet, a growing number of evangelicals are accepting an equally absurd co-existence – that is, the melding of Christianity and progressive, or liberal, politics. It’s not that one can’t be a Christian and be politically progressive. Many are. Rather, the problem is that Christianity and liberalism espouse contradictory worldviews. So, to be both, one must either not fully understand biblical Christianity; or not fully understand liberalism; or, simply embrace contradiction.
Progressives believe society is getting better: it is progressing. As one liberal think tank, the Rockridge Institute, put it, “Progressives believe the world is basically good. And, however dangerous and difficult the world may be at present, it can be made better.” In addition, the institute claims that “children are born good and parents can make them better.”
Evil is non-existent in the progressive worldview. People act badly, not because they’re sinful, but because they’re unhappy. And people are unhappy because they’re not realizing their dreams. And people aren’t realizing their dreams because they don’t have equal access to health care, education, and jobs. But, if a nation’s government would simply provide these things for all people, that nation would achieve what sounds very much like utopia.
The progressive vision sounds wonderful. And, it’s understandable Christians would buy into it because it seems consistent with the Golden Rule. However, it’s based on non-Christian assumptions. Romans 3 says there is none righteous – not even one! And Scripture clearly points to sin – not unfair circumstances – as the cause of mankind’s misery. Society is not progressing toward some utopia; rather, all of human history is moving toward a cataclysmic battle between good and evil. And, government will never achieve heaven on earth; only Jesus can do that.
Of course, the liberal Christian will object and say he simply supports liberal policies, but doesn’t embrace the worldview. But, one can’t separate liberal policies from the liberal worldview any more than one can separate Buddhist meditation and chanting from Buddhism as a whole. Buddhists meditate and chant because they believe these practices are a means to enlightenment and nirvana. Likewise, liberals expand government because they believe government is the means of rescuing a basically good society. But this is a misplaced hope. And instead of creating utopia, it likely will lead to even greater misery.
Progressive Christians?
By Julie Roys
Recently, an Episcopal diocese in Michigan ordained a Zen Buddhist to the priesthood, triggering protests from scores Christian leaders. “Buddhism is not merely a series of practices,” said James Tonkowich, president of the Institute on Religion and Democracy. “Buddhism is an entire worldview.”
Tonkowich is right. Buddhism is a worldview and one that directly contradicts Christianity. For example, Christians believe an all-powerful personal God rules over creation; but, Buddhists believe Dharma – an impersonal principle – transcends all things. Christianity and Buddhism are incompatible. And to ordain a Buddhist to the Episcopal priesthood is patently absurd.
Most evangelicals, I think, would agree with that statement. Yet, a growing number of evangelicals are accepting an equally absurd co-existence – that is, the melding of Christianity and progressive, or liberal, politics. It’s not that one can’t be a Christian and be politically progressive. Many are. Rather, the problem is that Christianity and liberalism espouse contradictory worldviews. So, to be both, one must either not fully understand biblical Christianity; or not fully understand liberalism; or, simply embrace contradiction.
Progressives believe society is getting better: it is progressing. As one liberal think tank, the Rockridge Institute, put it, “Progressives believe the world is basically good. And, however dangerous and difficult the world may be at present, it can be made better.” In addition, the institute claims that “children are born good and parents can make them better.”
Evil is non-existent in the progressive worldview. People act badly, not because they’re sinful, but because they’re unhappy. And people are unhappy because they’re not realizing their dreams. And people aren’t realizing their dreams because they don’t have equal access to health care, education, and jobs. But, if a nation’s government would simply provide these things for all people, that nation would achieve what sounds very much like utopia.
The progressive vision sounds wonderful. And, it’s understandable Christians would buy into it because it seems consistent with the Golden Rule. However, it’s based on non-Christian assumptions. Romans 3 says there is none righteous – not even one! And Scripture clearly points to sin – not unfair circumstances – as the cause of mankind’s misery. Society is not progressing toward some utopia; rather, all of human history is moving toward a cataclysmic battle between good and evil. And, government will never achieve heaven on earth; only Jesus can do that.
Of course, the liberal Christian will object and say he simply supports liberal policies, but doesn’t embrace the worldview. But, one can’t separate liberal policies from the liberal worldview any more than one can separate Buddhist meditation and chanting from Buddhism as a whole. Buddhists meditate and chant because they believe these practices are a means to enlightenment and nirvana. Likewise, liberals expand government because they believe government is the means of rescuing a basically good society. But this is a misplaced hope. And instead of creating utopia, it likely will lead to even greater misery.
I had a conversation with my sons that was about the same idea. How we approach the world and the problems in it all come down to what we believe about people. Do we believe what the bible says that we are all born with a sinful nature or are we basically good.
Friday, March 6, 2009
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
I have been thinking about how blessed I feel in my marriage at this point. I want to be careful not to disrespect my husband but also be as open as possible. He is not a believer and therefore acts accordingly. He comes from a family that is given to bondage to sin, and is following the path that has been shown to him.
Early in our marriage there was much strife. Many would say I had reason to be an nagging wife, and in the thinking of this world that would be true. But all my nagging did nothing to help the situation, I now believe it made it worst.
I have learned that I can do nothing to change my husband, He is not my problem. I am my problem and I can only change me with the Lords help. God will work on him in His time. Once I came to the point that I no longer tried to make him something I wanted him to be our marriage changed. He is a manly man who wants no woman to tell him what to do. He would never follow me no matter what. Even though he does not know the Lord, he still holds the position of leadership in the home. I had a hard time letting that go as I thought I was the "spiritual one" and knew better. I am paying a price for that now, with seeds this has sown in my sons lives.
One evening as we lay in bed he said to me in the kindest most soft spoken way "I just want you home" See despite saying I was a stay at home mom, I was anywhere but home most days. As he said the words I knew it was the Lord speaking through him. I came to realize what a prideful spirit I had about me. I always thought he was just being a control freak. But in that instant I knew what a rebellious woman I was. God can use use even an unsaved husband to speak to us if we are willing to listen. That was a turning point for me in trying to be the Godly wife He had called me to be.
Now that I have quit trying to change him, and just am content with the man I have, everything is better. Now I am not saying I don't fall back into my old fleshly ways at times. But I get back up and submit as onto the Lord.
I will say he too has accepted me. He fell in love with a wild party girl and then I came to Christ. He has accepted this and lets me walk out my convictions without any complaint. Even I as grow more separated from the world, he accepts me.
We are content with each other and with 25 yrs of marriage soon approaching, we still love each other deeply.
Early in our marriage there was much strife. Many would say I had reason to be an nagging wife, and in the thinking of this world that would be true. But all my nagging did nothing to help the situation, I now believe it made it worst.
I have learned that I can do nothing to change my husband, He is not my problem. I am my problem and I can only change me with the Lords help. God will work on him in His time. Once I came to the point that I no longer tried to make him something I wanted him to be our marriage changed. He is a manly man who wants no woman to tell him what to do. He would never follow me no matter what. Even though he does not know the Lord, he still holds the position of leadership in the home. I had a hard time letting that go as I thought I was the "spiritual one" and knew better. I am paying a price for that now, with seeds this has sown in my sons lives.
One evening as we lay in bed he said to me in the kindest most soft spoken way "I just want you home" See despite saying I was a stay at home mom, I was anywhere but home most days. As he said the words I knew it was the Lord speaking through him. I came to realize what a prideful spirit I had about me. I always thought he was just being a control freak. But in that instant I knew what a rebellious woman I was. God can use use even an unsaved husband to speak to us if we are willing to listen. That was a turning point for me in trying to be the Godly wife He had called me to be.
Now that I have quit trying to change him, and just am content with the man I have, everything is better. Now I am not saying I don't fall back into my old fleshly ways at times. But I get back up and submit as onto the Lord.
I will say he too has accepted me. He fell in love with a wild party girl and then I came to Christ. He has accepted this and lets me walk out my convictions without any complaint. Even I as grow more separated from the world, he accepts me.
We are content with each other and with 25 yrs of marriage soon approaching, we still love each other deeply.
I won! ? !
Well I just saw I won the Titus 2 block party grand prize. I am very surprised to say the least. But I also am feeling it was a gift from the Lord to encourage me.
I started this thinking I could write and be an encouragement to others. Then the thoughts came, my inadequacies, my failures, my imperfect family. I wanted to write something but was so focused on it being something perfect that I was stuck. Then I check in this morning and get the news, and feel the Lord say "Yes, I want you to do this" So I am going to try. I will be myself and let Him do what he wants.
I am excited to see what He has in mind for imperfect old me.
Wendy
I started this thinking I could write and be an encouragement to others. Then the thoughts came, my inadequacies, my failures, my imperfect family. I wanted to write something but was so focused on it being something perfect that I was stuck. Then I check in this morning and get the news, and feel the Lord say "Yes, I want you to do this" So I am going to try. I will be myself and let Him do what he wants.
I am excited to see what He has in mind for imperfect old me.
Wendy
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Be a lightning rod
1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified Bible)
1 Corinthians 13
^1 IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God's love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
^2 And if I have prophetic powers the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).
^3 Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.
^4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
^5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
^6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
^7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
^8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
^9 For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).
^10 But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).
^11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
^12 For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood by God].
^13 And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Now this is a tall order- but we need to strive for it. I try to remember it when dealing with my hubby. It hurts when they keep things from you, or flat out lie. But love keeps no record of wrongs. It hopes all things. We need to have Gods love for them, as imperfect as they are. It feels personal, but don't let it be that. When he is wrong, you have a choice to stand in Gods place of forgiveness or take up the evil.
I read a great article about overcoming sin. It made things so clear to me. We extinguish the fiery darts of the devil when we let the sin stop with us. Instead of it affecting us and then going out to others from us. We are to be like a lightning rod, that takes the hit and saves the building. We when sinned against are to let it stop there. Instead of lashing back, or being short with our children because someone sinned against us, we absorb it and let it die. It can be continued by us to others or we can make it die a quick death. I keep trying to keep that at the forefront of m mind- Be a lightning rod!
* the article was in a magazine called "Truth for all Life"
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
block party
I have been reading all the intros from the block party and something struck me. That so many do not have a Titus 2 woman to teach them. That has been my struggle my whole christain walk. I knew nothing of being a godly wife and mother. I learned most as I went, hince the title Stumbling Heavenward as that is how it seems to have been.
I am now an older woman, even though I hate to admit it. I so want to help others in the way I so desired myself. I am also stumbling through that but determined to try and be used by the God I serve.
I hope it is O.K. to jump in even though I am brand new at this Blog thing.
I am now an older woman, even though I hate to admit it. I so want to help others in the way I so desired myself. I am also stumbling through that but determined to try and be used by the God I serve.
I hope it is O.K. to jump in even though I am brand new at this Blog thing.
The blessings of large families
As I am reading the blogs in the Titus 2 block party I noticed something. Most of them have large families. I think it is wonderful but it also causes me pain. See I always dreamed of a large family. I grew up in a divorced home with three children, me being the oldest, therefore surrogate mommy. I thought three was boring but I had a friend who had nine in her family! I loved it there, a mom who was home and all those kids. Well that family is now mine as I married my friends older brother.
I remember reading a romance magazine when I was in my late teens (BC when I was living with my now husband and money was very tight, a cheap mag held lots of hours of reading.) Anyway 25+ years later I clearly remember one story of a woman who dreamed of a large family and ended up with a few of her own and then adopting some nieces and nephews. They lived in a big old house in the country. I remember so well how my heart ached to have that.
Well child number one was a surprise. The best of my life! Number 2 was planned and then we were going to wait a few years and have a couple more. See my husband did not have the same idea about a big family as I did. His family was large, but not as wonderful as I thought. He blamed it on too many kids. I now know that was not the reason but he did not understand. So we compromised on 4. Well instead #3 came exactly two years after #2 almost to the day. And he said enough and got a vasectomy.
Even as I sat in the DRs. office holding my newborn, I knew the pain this would bring me. I did not want this but he was adamant and I was young and overwhelmed. I just did not have the strenght to fight (in the right sense) So it was done. And I started to pray. I and my children prayed for years the the Lord would override my husbands choice and allow me to concieve.
Now I just turned 44 and I have to accept that He has choosen not to answer those prayers. I write this with an ache in my heart and tears in my eyes. To have the desire of my heart, the dreams for my life not happen is hard. I struggle with trying to understand why God created me this way to leave me empty. (I am thankful for the three I was blessed with, and know there are some who would be blessed beyond words to have 3. )I am fully alive when I am surrounded with chldren. I used to do home daycare and loved snowdays. Because I would have ALL the kids at once. A house full of 10+ children was the best.
So why did God create me like this and then leave me to be in an empty nest at a young age? I had my last child at 23, way to young! I am learning to trust Him more and believe that He has a plan for the next half of my life. But all I ever wanted was to me a mama so all the advice of work or school ect falls to empty ears.
Anyway the thing I guess I would like to encourage young woman with is if at all possible, while submitting to your husbands do not make a permanent choice to stop having children when you are young. It may seem overwhelming now but they grow quickly and you may ache to have another in your arms. Don't listen to the world and their rejection of children. Listen to the Lord and His Word.
I remember reading a romance magazine when I was in my late teens (BC when I was living with my now husband and money was very tight, a cheap mag held lots of hours of reading.) Anyway 25+ years later I clearly remember one story of a woman who dreamed of a large family and ended up with a few of her own and then adopting some nieces and nephews. They lived in a big old house in the country. I remember so well how my heart ached to have that.
Well child number one was a surprise. The best of my life! Number 2 was planned and then we were going to wait a few years and have a couple more. See my husband did not have the same idea about a big family as I did. His family was large, but not as wonderful as I thought. He blamed it on too many kids. I now know that was not the reason but he did not understand. So we compromised on 4. Well instead #3 came exactly two years after #2 almost to the day. And he said enough and got a vasectomy.
Even as I sat in the DRs. office holding my newborn, I knew the pain this would bring me. I did not want this but he was adamant and I was young and overwhelmed. I just did not have the strenght to fight (in the right sense) So it was done. And I started to pray. I and my children prayed for years the the Lord would override my husbands choice and allow me to concieve.
Now I just turned 44 and I have to accept that He has choosen not to answer those prayers. I write this with an ache in my heart and tears in my eyes. To have the desire of my heart, the dreams for my life not happen is hard. I struggle with trying to understand why God created me this way to leave me empty. (I am thankful for the three I was blessed with, and know there are some who would be blessed beyond words to have 3. )I am fully alive when I am surrounded with chldren. I used to do home daycare and loved snowdays. Because I would have ALL the kids at once. A house full of 10+ children was the best.
So why did God create me like this and then leave me to be in an empty nest at a young age? I had my last child at 23, way to young! I am learning to trust Him more and believe that He has a plan for the next half of my life. But all I ever wanted was to me a mama so all the advice of work or school ect falls to empty ears.
Anyway the thing I guess I would like to encourage young woman with is if at all possible, while submitting to your husbands do not make a permanent choice to stop having children when you are young. It may seem overwhelming now but they grow quickly and you may ache to have another in your arms. Don't listen to the world and their rejection of children. Listen to the Lord and His Word.
Monday, March 2, 2009
my first try
Well, I have so enjoyed reading others blogs, I thought I would attempt one myself. I am also feeling a need to connect to others as I seem to be in a place of not having much fellowship.
I go back and forth on whether or not this is Gods plan for me or something else. It seems as if this will never end and I grow weary in it. But then I feel Him say I am right where He wants me.
Some of this comes from the fact that I am unequally yoked. This causes aloneness in many ways, not just missing a spiritual mate. But also all those activities that you would do with a mate in the church. I love my husband dearly, more now than ever. But as I try to grow in my faith I feel more alone.
I have three grown children, two currently living at home. My oldest is married and mama to 2+ children. They live in another state and I pine for them all the time.
that's a little about me.
I go back and forth on whether or not this is Gods plan for me or something else. It seems as if this will never end and I grow weary in it. But then I feel Him say I am right where He wants me.
Some of this comes from the fact that I am unequally yoked. This causes aloneness in many ways, not just missing a spiritual mate. But also all those activities that you would do with a mate in the church. I love my husband dearly, more now than ever. But as I try to grow in my faith I feel more alone.
I have three grown children, two currently living at home. My oldest is married and mama to 2+ children. They live in another state and I pine for them all the time.
that's a little about me.
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